Anonymous Bitches

CNN isn’t top on my list of “must watch” (it’s only marginally more credible than Al Jazeera) and the idea of watching Larry King puts my television at risk of having a shoe thrown at it.

So damn you (you know who you are) for dangling the carwreck of Larry King interviewing Roseanne Barr.

The link is to the transcript. I figured linking to the video was just too cruel.

From the getgo you need to understand that between these two intellectual giants, their combined IQ just might run a Teddy Ruxpin … for about ten minutes … and Teddy would be more entertaining.

The always fawning King slathers the flattery on Roseanne like mayo on a turkey sandwich (and considering the acreage on that turkey, the mayo comes in ten gallon drums). Roseanne’s verbal skills match her intellect (makes you wonder why people go to watch her show … laugh with her or at her?) and King is relentless in getting her to hold forth on a variety of tough and weighty issues.

KING: On your blog you write, “Bush is going to declare war on China next, I swear.”

BARR: I was so scared because I woke up and there was the Drudge, you know. I always read the Drudge Report and it said on there that the Chinese were like, you know, spying on our subs or doing something with our subs and I was like, “Oh no, he’s going to think that’s an act of war and then we’re going to go over there next.” I mean we’re everywhere. We’re everywhere.

I’m like, Drudge should get a restraining order, you know?

KING: No, thanks. You’ve been rough on Bush and Cheney.

BARR: I’ve been rough on…

KING: Very rough haven’t you?

BARR: No. I don’t think I’ve been rough on them, no, not at all. I think they’ve been rough on the country but I don’t think anybody could be rough enough on them. You know they — I don’t like what they’re doing and neither does anybody else. And I’m so glad now that it’s like proof that nobody liked it and they want it to stop.

I guess everyone that didn’t vote According To Barr is a “nobody.” Nice to know where those that disagree with her stand, like, you know?

But hey, don’t think that Roseanne doesn’t have some solid answers on how to bring down the deficit and help children

BARR: That I — that I’m getting old that’s a big regret.

KING: Yes, me too, except can’t do anything about it.

BARR: No, can’t do anything about it. But, you know, at least you could be honest about it and like really accept the fact that you are old and that maybe it is time for you to start moving on rather than using artificial ways to keep yourself alive at all the children’s expense. I mean really that’s kind of what it is. […] …if we’re taking everything and putting it on the national Visa card and passing the interest on to our kids we can probably save them a lot of interest if we just like let ourselves go earlier and stuff like getting them artificial hearts and the lungs and the fake. You know we should just die when we’re old and we should decide…

KING: Good luck and goodbye.

BARR: …you know, it’s like 60 I think people especially of our generation. At 86 if they’re, you know, they should just end their lives and that will like help save a lot of children.

KING: It would. It would reduce the population.

BARR: Yes but from the top down.

Can you say Nationalized Medical Care? I knew you could! :::cough::: Soylent Green :::cough:::

Roseanne shows her economics chops on why she supports an increase in the minimum wage

KING: If you do that people are going to lose jobs.

BARR: Now that’s what they say. It just means they won’t have quite so much in bonuses for their wives’ jewelry that year, you know. People at the bottom they’ll have like, you know, maybe $50 more a week. You know there’s — we talked about raising the minimum wage. I think we need to next think about a maximum wage. That’s not to say that rich people can’t continue to get rich. That’s cool but not to the point where people are, you know, refugees at the bottom.

Of course, Roseanne is humble to admit she doesn’t come up with all these enlightened thoughts on her own …

BARR: i write 24/7. I get up and I’m like a big old transmitter. If it’s like 3:00 a.m. and something comes in, this pipe, I run down and put it out there. If somebody comes down this pipe, I run it out there. I’m getting a lot of transmissions from other dimensions and I want and represented on the net.

KING: Oh, no, we’re not back to that again.

BARR: Well, that’s all part of it. It’s about thinking outside the box. How much more outside the box can you be when you’re like actually get outside that box? You might find out that there is a whole cyber world.

KING: Is someone transmitting to you now?

BARR: Yes, someone is always transmitting through me, always.

KING: Do you have a transmitter — does he or she have a name, your transmitter?

BARR: Just — it’s just — no, it does not have a name.

KING: Just —

BARR: And even if it did, I would not be able to be speaketh it.

Ah! The Muse that dare Not Speak Its Name!

Because, like, you know, it might Go Away, and you won’t ever get this much enlightenment ever again.